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Ask Baninja! Archive:
March-April 2009

 

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"On the subject of Ninjas (from one ninja to another):

How do you feel about pirates? Personally I hate 'em. They're stinky and they talk funny. Do you have any arch-nemeses out there in Pirate land?"

    ~ Zumoku Tokurinmo, March 23, 2009

Konban wa, Tokurinmo-san.

I have not met a pirate, and so I cannot say. But it seems to me that while the pirates of old lacked any form of subtlety, honor, and personal hygeine, modern-day pirates nearly qualify as the ninjas of the sea. They are swift and cunning, doing their business and vanishing without a trace. Of course, there is still no honor in thievery, but one must admire their ability to get the job done.

But the true ninjas of the sea are the mer-ninjas, the legendary masked chimerical assassins of the deep. They spring their attacks from the shadows deep in the ocean, cutting down their victims with marlin swords and making their escapes using squid-ink bombs.

Mata ne,
    ~ Baninja

"Will my true banana love come for me?"

    ~ Zi, March 23, 2009

Hajimemashite, Zi-kun.

I am honored that you would think so well of bananakind. But... according to the latest research, the genes of bananas and humans are far too incompatible for such a union to produce viable offspring.

Indeed, it would be best for you to explore the platonic friendship value that bananas have to offer. Of course, if you do happen to meet the banana of your dreams, and the affection is mutual, then I suppose that -- no, wait, bananas do not have those so that could not work, unless... unless....

By the gods! If you ever do that to a banana I swear I will cut you from stem to stern! (G'ah! Me vocabulary be infected with the pirate talk! Avast ye, Tokurinmo-san!)

    ~ Baninja

"Hello Baninja!

I heard you are the best of the best!

I, the pineappleofchaos, want to challenge you in the world of a thousand strawberries!

Are clever enough to trick me? Are you strong enough to beat me? And... are you cool enough to win?"

    ~ Pineappleofchaos, March 25, 2009

Konnichi wa, Pineappleofchaos.

What? You mean there are only 1000 strawberries left? When last I was there, it was known as the World of 6,437 Strawberries! So many innocent fragarians, gone... gone!

I am afraid that we must postpone our duel. I must learn who is responsible for this massacre and teach these fiends the meaning of justice. Understand: strawberries and bananas are natural allies, and on my honor I must avenge this transgression before I may selfishly engage in a duel.

In answer to your actual questions: Yes. Yes. And... yes.

Until we meet again,
    ~ Baninja

"Do you know a good recipe for banana creme pie?"

    ~ George, March 26, 2009

You disgust me to the point where I refuse to kill you in person. So I've called in a favor from outside the clan.

I advise you never to turn your back on an onion. Or an eggplant. Or a carrot -- maybe? For the remainder of your days, you shall live in fear of every vegetable who crosses your path. And when the attack comes, swiftly, when you are least expecting it -- only then will death liberate you from your torment.

Farewell,
    ~ Baninja

"are u a [OMFG CENSORED] cause this site sucks"

    ~ cxbnxfn, April 28, 2009

At least I can construct a proper sentence. And I'm a [JFC! CENSORED!]ing banana.

But that is beside the point. People come to my question forum in search of knowledge and guidance, and I suspect that you are in dire need of both. Rather than answer to your insult, I shall address the deeper issue which appears to be troubling you:

Do not be afraid to smile once in a while, my misguided young friend. Open your mind to new ideas and fresh opportunities. Embrace the good things that life offers to you, and do not allow petty annoyances to trouble your spirit.

Ask yourself, "What is it that makes me feel happy? Fulfilled? What is it that I can do to add value to my world and enrich my own life?" When you find your answers, then pursue those things with all of your being! When you begin to do this, and allow and help others to do the same, then you will find that the act of living life becomes much more rewarding. You will feel content, you will earn the respect of others, and you will no longer come across as being such a total [HOLY COW, YOU KNOW THAT WAS CENSORED!].

Live well,
    ~ Baninja

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