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Ask Baninja! Archive:
July-December 2009

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"so i herd u lyke mudkipz!!1"

    ~ pwnage, July 13, 2009

Hello, pwnage.

I am afraid I could not understand your question, but Sudoku was happy to translate it for me, as well as this response:

lol mudkipz r kool! 2 bad i had 2 kill so many 2 win the 1st round of Feast Master turnamint :( they were all like AWWWW SO CUTE and then i had 2 turn em in2 burgers n stuff =O but o well i guess u gotta do what u gotta do inorite?

    ~ Baninja

"Sometimes when I wake up, especially if it's hot, my mouth feels disgusting no matter how thoroughly I brush my teeth the night before; what can I do to stop it?"

    ~ Nina, July 22, 2009

Greetings, Nina.

I am sorry, but I have very limited experience in such matters since I have no such orifice. However, it seems to me that the obvious solution would be to brush your teeth again upon waking.

If this does not work for you, then perhaps you could have your mouth amputated and live as I do, using your ninja skills to eat, drink, and speak.

Get well soon!
    ~ Baninja

"If it's immoral to eat meat and immoral to eat plants, then what the heck are we supposed to eat?"

    ~ Jamie Lee, August 9, 2009

Ohayou gozaimasu, Lee-chan.

A steady diet of dirt and sunlight has always served me well. By refining the base compounds found in the earth and air with the vitalizing light of the sun, one can create within himself the purest of sugars, oils, and even proteins! You can start today by standing out in the sun and burrowing your feet in the ground, and make sure to keep the area around you consistently moist. For best results, spread a good quantity of dead vegetable sheddings or manure around your feet so that you can absorb the rich nutrients!

Ki o tsukete,
    ~ Baninja

"school's started back up, but I dont wana go, any ideas on how I can get out witout getting caught?!??"

    ~ bummed kid, September 17, 2009

Konnichi wa, bummed.

Unfortunately in your case, the only solution to your problem of not wanting to go to school -- is to go to school....

Just about any lay person can learn to sneak around undetected and hide their presence. But it takes a high order of intensive training to be stealthy enough to cloak your absence. My fellow students and I have our own ways of getting out of Master Fuji's lessons. Seppuku will "accidentally" get impaled on something and stay in sick. Sudoku uses a holographic projector to cast an illusion of himself practicing in the dojo. Haiku astral-projects his consciousness to some other location while his body smiles and nods.

I usually just set the clock forward so that Master will dismiss us several hours early.

We can get away with skipping lessons only because we have dedicated our time and effort into learning how. So unless you have developed the physical fortitude to survive impalement, the mental aptitude to construct high-tech decoys, or the spiritual awareness to wander off into an ethereal wonderland, you will just have to go to school. Learning how to not get caught is many times more difficult than simply attending your lessons.

Perhaps when you have attended to your studies and your spelling and grammar have sufficiently improved, you will be able to forge letters excusing your absence? But even so, it will take much discipline to properly navigate the tangled webs of deceit that such an approach would entail. You might as well just stick to it all the way.

Learn well,
    ~ Baninja

"How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

    ~ Georgie Porgie, December 3, 2009

Konnichi wa, Porgie-san.

For matters of existentialism, I usually turn to Haiku for guidance. Here is what he had to say:

"If woodchuck chucked wood
Woodchuck could chuck for a buck
Truck of wood at Chuck"

I am as confused now as before, and so I leave his words to you for contemplation. Perhaps this enigmatic bit of wisdom will guide you toward the enlightenment you seek.

Live well,
    ~ Baninja