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Ask Baninja! Archive:
May-June 2010

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    ~ Frère Jacques, May 2, 2010


Is that some kind of soup?

Are you threatening to make me into soup? That doesn't even make sense! Who has ever heard of banana soup?

Unless... of course -- it is a pastry! I have long since learned to be wary of French pastry chefs. You will not outsmart me so easily, Jack. There will be no banana cream puff for you this day!

    ~ Baninja

"What if I stabbed you with a spork?"

    ~ cakewalk, June 18, 2010

Konban wa, cakewalk.

Master Fuji once told me, "He who lives by the spork, dies by the spork."

Do you realize that, as a sentient cake, you are wielding an implement of your own destruction by carrying a spork as a weapon? If a wandering human should find both a cake and a spork in the same place, I assure you that you would quickly regret your choice of arms.

Before you go on challenging other foods to battle, I suggest that you first pay mind to your own safety. Besides, your cheap plastic dinnerware is no match for my blade.

Until we meet again.
    ~ Baninja

"What if i stuck a syntax bomb on your head and it blew up, then used a bazooka to blow up your remainings?"

    ~ baninja, June 23, 2010

Wait a minute, who is this? Why are you impersonating me? Do you intend to kill me in order to take my place in the clan?

Why is everyone I talk to in the past month trying to kill me?!

I have researched your so-called "syntax bomb" and found that no such weapon exists. So either you are bluffing, or...

... you really are me...

... from the future! From a time when the syntax bomb does exist!

Knowing me, I would not travel back in time to kill me without a good reason. However, my plan will clearly not succeed because if I kill me now, then I cannot go back to kill me later. But I must already know that I told me this, so the only point in me carrying out my plan would be to ensure that I tell me these things. In any case, my threat against my life means nothing to me, me. How's that for a syntax bomb?

So anyway... Am I still in good shape in the future? I hope that I haven't gone brown and mushy.

Take care!
    ~ You

"Have the site makers ever tried to eat you?"

    ~ Genji, June 25, 2010

Ohayou gozaimasu, Genji-san.

Fortunately my camera-humans know better than to betray me. They are aware, perhaps more than any other humans, how gruesome their deaths would be.

In fact, I made extra efforts to ensure their loyalty. I forced them, at swordpoint, to demonstrate their willingness to eat only dirt and sunlight. And as an added measure, I have spies in their pantry. Potatoes and corn are my eyes and ears.

Come to think of it, those spies haven't reported back to me in quite some time. I suppose that means that all is well.

Ja mata!
    ~ Baninja