Ask Baninja! Archive:
May-June 2010
"Dormez-vous?" ~ Frère Jacques, May 2, 2010 |
What? Is that some kind of soup? Are you threatening to make me into soup? That doesn't even make sense! Who has ever heard of banana soup? Unless... of course -- it is a pastry! I have long since learned to be wary of French pastry chefs. You will not outsmart me so easily, Jack. There will be no banana cream puff for you this day! ~ Baninja |
"What if I stabbed you with a spork?" ~ cakewalk, June 18, 2010 |
Konban wa, cakewalk. Master Fuji once told me, "He who lives by the spork, dies by the spork." Do you realize that, as a sentient cake, you are wielding an implement of your own destruction by carrying a spork as a weapon? If a wandering human should find both a cake and a spork in the same place, I assure you that you would quickly regret your choice of arms. Before you go on challenging other foods to battle, I suggest that you first pay mind to your own safety. Besides, your cheap plastic dinnerware is no match for my blade. Until we meet again. |
"What if i stuck a syntax bomb on your head and it blew up, then used a bazooka to blow up your remainings?" ~ baninja, June 23, 2010 |
Wait a minute, who is this? Why are you impersonating me? Do you intend to kill me in order to take my place in the clan? Why is everyone I talk to in the past month trying to kill me?! I have researched your so-called "syntax bomb" and found that no such weapon exists. So either you are bluffing, or... ... you really are me... ... from the future! From a time when the syntax bomb does exist! Knowing me, I would not travel back in time to kill me without a good reason. However, my plan will clearly not succeed because if I kill me now, then I cannot go back to kill me later. But I must already know that I told me this, so the only point in me carrying out my plan would be to ensure that I tell me these things. In any case, my threat against my life means nothing to me, me. How's that for a syntax bomb? So anyway... Am I still in good shape in the future? I hope that I haven't gone brown and mushy. Take care! |
"Have the site makers ever tried to eat you?" ~ Genji, June 25, 2010 |
Ohayou gozaimasu, Genji-san. Fortunately my camera-humans know better than to betray me. They are aware, perhaps more than any other humans, how gruesome their deaths would be. In fact, I made extra efforts to ensure their loyalty. I forced them, at swordpoint, to demonstrate their willingness to eat only dirt and sunlight. And as an added measure, I have spies in their pantry. Potatoes and corn are my eyes and ears. Come to think of it, those spies haven't reported back to me in quite some time. I suppose that means that all is well. Ja mata! |