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Ask Baninja! "I can help you with that...." ~Baninja
Baninja Holding Sword


In order to help promote his campaign for the ethical treatment of bananas, Baninja has decided to relate directly with the human public and show the world that bananas have thoughts and feelings, too. Here, he will answer all of your favorite questions, such as:

But that's not all. Baninja will answer your questions about virtually anything! Get relationship and career advice, learn healthful banana-free culinary tips, and discover the secret arts of the yasai-shinobi -- all from the unique perspective of a banana ninja.

Question Archive

March-April 2009
May 2009
July-December 2009
January 2010
February-April 2010
May-June 2010
July-September 2010
November 2010

Featured Question

"Greetings, Baninja.

I would like to know if any person, vegetable, or fruit would be able to become a great ninja, like yourself? My friend, Pickle, has been asking me this for ages. I can't teach him, yet he seems able enough. I don't know what to say! What do you think, Baninja?


    ~ Tori the Celery Stick, November 20, 2010

Hajimemashite, Tori-kun.

The easy answer is yes, anyone with the desire to become a ninja can indeed become a ninja. One does not necessarily need strength, speed, or agility to practice the art of stealth. One only truly needs courage, cunning, and discipline to succeed. Remember, the original ninjas of history were not often warriors. They were spies.

That being said, the ninja lifestyle is not for everyone. For one, ninjas usually have to work in secret to be effective. This means that you cannot flaunt your ninja status, or show off your skills in front of the opposite sex, without potentially compromising your mission -- or in some cases, your life. Other important things to consider are whether or not you are comfortable with killing, how well you can take a beating or withstand torture, and to what extent you are willing to sacrifice your social life (friends and romantic interests are top targets of enemies seeking vengeance).

My advice to your friend would be to start out small, taking on low-risk missions for close friends and family. (Do not trust coworkers with your secrets! Coworkers have a tendency to gossip.) Or perhaps he or she could carry out a personal vendetta, using an existing enemy to practice their skills on before going freelance.

If after spilling your first juice (or blood, or whatever) you still think that the ninja life is right for you, then the next step is to decide whether to go solo or join a clan. Each path has its pros and cons. A lone ninja never has to split profits, but he must also handle all his own intelligence-gathering, weapon-sharpening, paperwork, and laundry. A ninja clan can provide life-saving backup in extreme situations and assist in missions that cannot logistically be done alone -- but beware of backstabbing saboteurs and less-than-optimal health and retirement plans.

Also note that it is difficult to buy life insurance when you list "Ninja" as an occupation. A "cover" identity and a phony day job are essential for the beginner, unless you are well-connected.

I wish your friend the best of luck. Let us hope that we do not find ourselves on opposing sides on the field of battle. That would be kind of awkward.

Ki o tsukete,
    ~ Baninja

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